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Writer's Block: B.Y.O.B. Holidays

Muppet Christmas Carol. Sometimes I even watch it when it's half a year until Christmas. I love the Muppets.

I also have to see A Christmas Story and as many holiday claymation specials as I can cram into the month of December. So nice to have a kid who appreciates them now.
What is your must-see holiday movie? One random answer will win a $50 Amazon gift card. [Details here]

Writer's Block: B.Y.O.B. Holidays

Well, I've already got my Christmas gifts from my family (money...which I used to order an iPod and case). But if Santa were real I'd ask him for:

1. Makeup Forever HD foundation and a beauty blender
2. The Naked palette from Urban Decay and the Sephora Collection Makeup Studio Blockbuster
3. An armband for my iPod
4. a Nike+ sensor
5. Some more technical shirts (preferably one with omni-heat and the rest from Athleta), some compression running tights, and some running skirts
6. The race registration fees for the races I want to do next year
7. Pre-order of Zombies, Run!
8. Some of the books off my list
9. Some really fabulous perfume
10. a konad stamp set

That's a LOT of stuff, but I figured 1: it's all just a mental exercise anyhow and 2: ten is a nice round number and 3: Santa is magic.
What is on your holiday wish list this year? One random answer will win a $50 Amazon gift card. [Details here]

Trip To-Do

  • put away laundry so I can pick out clothes for Lucy/Me
  • pack clothes
  • pack camera
  • offload video camera
  • pack "video camera"
  • finish last crayon roll
  • make Porters' frame
  • wrap gifts for Porters
  • wrap frame
  • pack gifts
  • pack toiletries
  • pack sposies/wipes
  • plan healthy snacks
  • prep snacks
  • pack snacks
  • make extra copy of "to do while in Utah list"
  • pack Kindle
  • clean up apartment
  • plan and pack extras for Lucy {Clementine, familiar book, etc}
  • add to list as needed
  • put dehydrated fruit in storage
  • grab garbage bags for the car
  • pack hand sewing project
  • MAIL SWAP
  • plan food for Saturday/Sunday
  • get all addresses needed
  • print off Google maps
  • throw away flowers
  • change AC settings
  • print off Montana, Idaho, and Utah breastfeeding right laws apparently Idaho doesn't feel the need to protect babies' right to eat in public...Idaho can suck my big fat breast...oh wait, they CAN'T! because they haven't protected breastfeeding rights. >:P
  • jackets for all, just in case
  • passports
  • glasses
  • headphones
  • empty garbages
  • tissues
Snack list:
  • popcorn with maple seasoning
  • yogurt
  • celery
  • peppers
  • carrots
  • water bottles
  • grapes
  • cut grapes for L
  • fruit leather for L
  • O's for L
  • water for L
Thing to do in the car:
  • sleep {bring a pillow and blanket!}
  • Kindle {as long as car sickness can be avoided}
  • sew {DO NOT FORGET PROJECT}
  • music {bring BOTH iPods}
Extras for Lucy:
  • Clementine
  • 100 animals book
  • DVD player w/Nemo and Pooh
  • soft photo album

Yogurt and Drama

Lucy's eating yogurt. It's one of her more recent words. Adam and I started listing all her words because we were curious how many she says. They asked at her last vaccination appt. to make sure her development was on target. Various sources say she's supposed to have 20-50 words at this stage. She has, at last count, 189 {including proper nouns and a few sound "words" like animal sounds}. We made a Google doc so we can add more as we remember other words she says or she says something new.

Her teeth, unlike her vocabulary, are *not* doing well. She has a dental appointment next month. I'm positive she's going to need fillings. It makes me want to cry.

It 90% certain my parents are selling their house, getting rid of my dog, and moving into a retirement community {even though my mom is only 47ish} so that Jay has help caring for her. I don't even have the energy to explain how depressing it all is. At the moment I'm focusing on the dog issue because it's easier to deal with. They're keeping 2/3 dogs but think Dodger needs a yard/don't want 3 dogs in their apartment when they move. And they're considering giving my dog to my sister...you know, the one who hasn't spoken to me in about 2.5 years and who won't acknowledge the existence of her niece. I tried to tell my mom I would prefer he go to someone who will actually tell me how he's doing and send me pictures from time to time. But it's out of my control. I can only sit back and hope they give them to a friend they're considering instead of my b!7c# of a sister. I had pretty much decided "screw her, her loss, I'll find surrogate aunts for Lucy" but the thought that she'll have my dog and I'll never get to see him or even hear about him ever again pisses me off.

Yesterday was such a perfect day. My interview was relaxed and fun {I guess that's what happens when you know and like the potential employer}. I got the job and it's practically perfect in EVERY WAY. It's nearby. It's the hours I want so I still get to stay home with Lucy most of the time {they say you can't have it all but I find if I neglect all but the most important house work I can have quite a lot :P }. It pays what I wanted. I get a $25 gift certificate bonus for every 2 weeks I work there {AWE.SOME.}! And I *like* my boss. Plus I think I'm going to really enjoy the work I'll be doing {like blogging, OMG I'm gonna get paid to blog}! All this time I've been raring to go to move out of the Hat and now I'm kinda sad thinking about it because it means I'll have to quit my dream job. Seriously. I could picture myself working for Rachel for years. But yeah, back to my point, yesterday was perfect. I had the interview. I got the job. Adam took me out to dinner to celebrate. Then I got to go shopping for more clothes and got some really cute stuff {that FITS}. And then BAM! today I get this news about my mom being in such terrible condition and not being expected to get back to "normal" {as normal as it gets when you have severe, progressive MS}. It just sucks. Also, I was so elated about getting my job that last night I couldn't sleep. I was on such a high. So today I'm really tired which doesn't make dealing with sad news any easier.

On a completely unrelated note I wish wireless service weren't so expensive because I would love having an iPhone. I'm considering saving my Christmas money and such to buy an iPod touch because it will do a lot of the same things. But someday, yes, I'd like to have an iPhone. The new ones do video chat...which is awesome for when Grandma lives a bajillion-kazillion miles away.

R, my boss, reccomended Spark People to me. GAH! Wish I had known about it before. It makes counting calories hella-easy! Waaaaay better than what I was doing before on my blog. I'm hoping to lose the last 26 pounds I'm aiming to ditch before we go to Ohio for Christmas. It'd be nice to like how I look in family pictures for once.

So, next week we leave for Utah. The week after that B.C. And the week after that the semester begins and I start working for reals. I'll do a little training between now and the end of the month but only 4 short shifts. Hmmmm...I wonder if those two weeks count towards my bonus earning... :)  I had thought I'd never get to have photos by R again because her prices increased this year {not unfairly, believe me}. But I will! Hooray! By mid-December we'll have practically enough for a session. And by the time we move away next August we'll have enough for another...though I may be tempted to use that for head shots/publicity-type shots for use on my blogs. I have plenty of time to decide. Also...I'm going to be making about $800 a month so I could totally just purchase family portraits for us.
Seriously. $800 a month is going to make a huge difference, even after making my monthly student loan payments {and then some}, even after putting aside money for Lucy and I to visit Grandma 1-2x a year, I'm going to make us an extra $4500 a year. Hooray for more freedom/stability!

I have mosquito bites on my foot. They itch. I hate it.

short entry

So, interview is tomorrow at 11. I've got my resume printed. Clothes picked out. Adam doesn't work Wednesday mornings so he'll take care of Lucy. {Note to self: print off a copy of Adam's schedule for the school year.} I'll get up in the morning, eat, shower, get ready and walk over...and try not to freak out. I'm so bad at not getting my hopes up for things. It seems no matter how hard I try I still get excited hoping for something. It makes it all that much suckier when things don't turn out. I really hope this *does* turn out.

Spencer decided to take the bachelor apartment next to ours {and by "next to ours" I mean "in our building" not "in the building next to ours"}. It'll be month-to-month so if he hates how small it is he can look for something else. In the meantime he'll be near us for gaming/car borrowing/dinner/etc. 

I <3 Swap-bot.
The end.

WOO-HOO!

Yay for Twitter! I tweeted about how I'm looking for a part-time job starting next month and R, the photographer who did our maternity/newborn/6mo photos and from whom I bought my DSLR camera sent me a direct message asking me if I wanted to come interview to be her office manager. YES. YES. YES I DO. Her studio is about a block away from our apartment. AWE.SOME. I like her and I love her work. MORE AWE.SOME. She knows how many hours I want to work and apparently that's what she needs for that position. EVEN MORE AWE.SOME. Aaaand if I get the job I get a gift certificate bonus. THE AWE.SOME JUST KEEPS COMING.

There's a day-care on campus that Adam can take Lucy to {I was worried it'd be too late to get her on the waiting list, but they give student parents priority so yay! she's like 99% sure to be in}. Also, if we understand things correctly we'll be paying like, $62 a month for the part-time daycare. Yay! But then, I think R used to bring her youngest {who is like, 2 weeks older than Lucy} to the studio and had someone watch her there. So maybe I'll have to ask her what she's doing these days. At first I was all *ZOMG DAYCARE IS BAD* but honestly, Lucy gets ZERO time with kids. I wish I could say that's outrageous hyperbole but it's not. I can count on my hands the number of times she's gotten to interact with other children. Heck, she's hardly interacted with other adults. I can count on ONE hand the number of times she's been left with a babysitter. It's time for me to stop being paranoid, clingy mom. Part time daycare is at best, going to be awesome for her, at worst will not harm her. My mom worked full time when I was a kid and I'm super close to her and love her more than anyone else in my family {not including Adam and Lucy of course}. Lucy's almost 2. She's gonna be *fine,* probably better than. Also, toddler care is just way, way harder for me than baby care. She's not as easy-going as she was and it stresses me out. Then I'm not as patient and affectionate as she deserves because I never get a break. 20 hours a week apart from her will make me a better mom when we're together the other 148 hours a week. I also realize that I can't have everything just perfect for Lucy. For example, I can choose to never have her do daycare even part-time...or I can choose to enable her to have a relationship with her grandmother before it's too late. But I cannot afford to do both. Well, it's a no-brainer choice for me. This job will enable Lucy and I to travel to Ohio at least once a year but more likely twice a year. 10 years from now when my mom is probably dead I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I didn't do what I could to make sure she was a part of Lucy's childhood.

Of course, all the benefits aside, I have a financial obligation {student loans} and I want to fulfill that obligation. And then today I read about this huge, fancy study that was just released about daycare kids turning out the same as non-daycare kids provided they have a good home life when they are home. Nice to know there's some science to reassure me. And depending on when R wants me working I may get to do some weekend shifts which would mean Lucy could have daddy-time instead of daycare time. So it's really, really, really time for me to stop freaking out. Good daycare is not evil. It will not permanently damage my kid. Honestly, it's probably gonna be harder for me to adjust than for her. I also get all worked up about leaving her with a babysitter and think she's going to be crying and upset until I get back but it *always* turns out that she had a great time and was well behaved. I miss her but she doesn't seem to miss me. And you know what...that means I'm doing my job right. Parenting, especially attachment parenting, is about planned obsolescence. Her independence may be bittersweet for me but it's the whole point of mothering her. My main wishes for Lucy are that: 1. She will be happy, healthy, and do some good in the world and 2. She will be sad and miss me when I'm dead but not devastated because she still *needs* me and can find comfort in good memories and in knowing how much I loved her.

So, anyhow, changing gears here, all my clothes are kinda frumpy. I definitely had nothing appropriate for an interview. So today we went to the mall to find me an interview outfit. I got a blazer, shirt, and dress pants for $41.71. SCORE! I had no idea what would look good and what types of shirts were appropriate with blazers, or whether to tuck shirts in or not, blah blah blah. So I got a lot of help from the sales associate. She was super helpful and made me feel less afraid. For a while there when I was Mormon I was getting less and less stylish because I was worried about being immodest and vain. So I was trying really hard to wear non-form fitting anything and simple clothes...but I just ended up looking frumpy. Most of my shirts are too big so they make me look fat. And I stopped paying attention to style and seriously did not know where to begin in picking out an outfit. So yay for clothing store employees who know their stuff!

ETA: picture after cut.Collapse )

Anyhow, each of the items I picked out were on sale. The blazer was $22.49 marked down several times from $59.99. The shirt was $11.24 marked down several times from...I don't remember how much. And the pants {which look grey in the pic but are actually brown} were $20 marked down from...uh, probably $40 or $50 but I'm not sure. Anyhow, when I was at the register Beth {my super friendly helper} told me the pants were actually $5.99! Awe.some. I was so happy about that. Epic shopping win! And I love the outfit. LOVE. IT. I actually got depressed when I put my regular clothes back on after trying it on in the dressing room because I realized just how bad my clothes fit/look. The new outfit is super cute, fitted {which is slimming}, and polished. My normal clothes are sloppy, super casual/boring, and make me feel fat and ugly and old. I hope I get this job if for no other reason than I have a legitimate reason and the means to get more clothes that fit/look decent. I guess not feeling ugly is a legitimate reason for most people. But I'm so used to not buying myself clothes unless I really, really need something. If I get hired I think I will go back to that store for some more work outfits because they have some really cute work clothes that are young and stylish looking but still professional. I don't really feel like I belong in junior's clothes anymore, but I don't like most women's clothing either because it looks like what my mom would wear and that's just not me. I don't want to feel old. I'm not even 25 yet. I'm not about to dress like I'm 40. But I don't want to dress like a goofy 16 year old either. This store walks the fine line in between. Also, they have lots of purple. :)

Adam seems confident I'll get the job. As he says, SHE contacted ME and asked me to come interview. So I guess that's a good sign. But I'm still worried. I really want this position. I love R's work {she is just super, super fantastic}! I'll get to do some framing, which I think sounds like a fun and useful skill {have you ever priced framing? NOT CHEAP. it would be awesome to be able to do it myself}. I could frame my artwork, and frame our family photos and stuff. Plus, it seems like a more career-oriented job than say...Wendy's cashier. And, who knows, maybe I'll learn some stuff about photography. So yeah, *fingers crossed* for the awesome part-time job working for a person I already know and like at a studio just down the street! Anyhow, if I don't get it my next choice will be Michael's. But I'll also apply at the usual places {grocery store, fast food (ugh), and so on}.

So that's my adventure for today. Tomorrow I'll buy some shoes to go with my new clothes. I only have one pair of dress shoes and they're the wrong color for the pants and blazer I got.

sooooo...booooorrrred...

Adam has another long day today doing stuff with SEAWA {South East Alberta Watershed Alliance}. I dropped him off at 8am and he won't be back until 8:30 or so. And Lucy is being whiny and not at all well-behaved. She totally threw the box of crayons I was buying for Christmas presents on the ground...so I ended up having to buy a bunch of broken crayons. >:(  Then she pitched a fit at Coldstone so I had to eat my ice cream in the car.

Also, I'm having trouble with my sewing machine again. Phooey. I thought I had fixed it. But maybe not. Either way, I did a bunch of different things last time I had this problem so I don't know which one actually solved the problem. I'm hoping it was just a bent needle and I managed to bend this one too because that's easy to fix.

So we're borrowing a portable DVD player for the big drive to Utah. So today I bought Finding Nemo {because that and Pooh are pretty much the only things Lucy likes to watch...*sometimes* Fantasia}. I also bought The Secret of NIMH because it was $10 and *I* wanted it for me. That's a piece of my childhood right there. I hate buying Disney DVDs. Paying $25 bucks for a movie that's seven years old just irks me. Yes, it's good. No, that does not mean you need to gouge your customers...especially considering Disney makes it's real profits on merchandise. And I hate how they mess with the market to keep their prices high. They'll put a movie "in the vault" to make it rare/hard to get. Then continue to charge high prices when they re-release the "special edition" or whatever. I don't want the special edition. I just want the movie.

Aaand yay! Adam is home early. So /Disneyrant.

ETA: meh. I want to write more, even if Adam is home.

So, here's my thinking for Utah. Leave Friday night so Lucy will {hopefully} sleep most of the way. Use the DVD player if necessary when she is awake because OMG driving with a whiny toddler is one of the worst things in the world. Get into Provo on Saturday about 10am depending on traffic/how long crossing the border takes {shouldn't take long to get into the US, bringing Spencer and all his stuff into Canada will take much, much longer}. Actually, maybe I should have Adam drop Lucy and I in American Fork and I can see Spencer later. Seems silly to have us go to Provo then turn around to get to American Fork. So, OK. Yeah. {Can you tell I'm thinking "out loud?"} Hit Target during the day. Do dinner with Adam at Guru's because I HAVE to have a veggie burrito. Yum-yum {said in my "Pooh voice"}! Then...well darn it. I was planning on going to Joann's on Sunday morning while everyone goes to church because really, nobody wants to stand around while I go "oooh!" and "ahhh!" shopping for fabric. But I just checked and the Orem and Spanish Fork locations aren't open on Sunday. A lot of the Utah ones are but not Centerville, Orem, Spanish Fork nor Logan. So I guess I'll have to find a time on Saturday to hit Joann's and figure out something else to do Sunday morning. Maybe Adam and I will just go get coffee and relax before we have to make the big 14+ hour drive Sunday night. Then we'll do Spencer's border crossing stuff Monday morning. And Medicine Hat is about 3 hours from the border. We'll relax Monday night then move Spencer into our apartment {temporarily} on Tuesday.

*phew*

Busy, busy, busy.

Also, Spencer has some stuff I had shipped his way to get free shipping {because we knew we were going to see him this summer, we just thought he was coming to visit, not to stay}. I've got a thingy for my Cricut so I can use it to cut fabric for applique, and a free motion quilting foot for my sewing machine, but mostly fabric! Yay! ^_^ Fabric makes me happy. I've got a bunch of Christmas fabric to make a quilt/table runner/tree skit/advent calendar/etc. And I've got fabric to make my mom's Christmas present {a quilt}. So I'm really excited.

Oh, and I need to stop at the USPS on Saturday some time so I can use a flat rate box to mail some Christmas gifts. Yikes. I'm trying to cram way too much into the weekend. I tried to talk Adam into staying one extra day but he was unconvinced.

Speaking of Christmas gifts. I need to get Viggo working again so I can finish them before we leave. I have one more crayon roll to make, then a play fishing set. I'm also doing a picture frame, but that's etched glass so I don't need to fix Viggo for that.

And that's probably enough rambling for now.

ETA: CHIK-FIL-A for lunch on Saturday! Adam and Spencer want to do Betos, but I think I'd rather have Chik-fil-a {or however it's spelled}. And Sunday morning Adam and I can hit the grocery store to stock up on cheap cereal/cereals we don't have in Canada.

Stuff

I think I found my dream house: http://www.realtor.ca/propertyDetails.aspx?propertyId=9737729&PidKey=1229820917

It's 20 minutes from a private school that focuses on critical thinking and inquiry based learning, which sounds really nice. I checked out the neighborhood on Google Maps street view. Looks really nice. All the houses are in that style, which I love. It's a spacious house without being way bigger than I want to clean {though, still not sure I need quite that much square footage}. It's got a beautiful, beautiful, BEAUTIFUL front porch. Basically, I'm in love. Think it will still be on the market in 8 or 9 years?

I love, love, love holidays, especially CHRISTMAS. Yes, it's not yet August and I'm already getting geared up for Christmas. Don't hate. It's my favorite holiday. Besides, I'm doing as many homemade gifts as I can this year so I gotta get an early start. I'm also making a bunch of decor items {like a Christmas QUILT for the couch}! I already finished one gift {bean bags and a bag in which to store them}. And I need to put together a few more gifts for that family so we can ship them next month when we {hopefully} go to Utah. I wanna take advantage of the USPS flat rate boxes while we're in the states. But I'm most excited to make my mom's gift. I'm hoping to make her a quilt. And I'm going to applique Lucy's silhouette, and hand prints on it, and let her use fabric crayons on fabric to use in other parts of the quilt. It'll be the awesomest Grandma quilt EVAR.

I FREAKIN' LOVE HAVING A WORKING SEWING MACHINE AGAIN. I <3 Viggo. He's a badass. Old machines rock. I'm sure *good* new machines rock too, but I cannot afford a $2000 machine. Sorry.

Spencer says he's 85% sure he'll be moving up here. I believe the plan is to live here temporarily and then move to Calgary next year when we do. Adam's only applying to Calgary and UofA {in Edmonton} this year, because, unfortunately, with his BYU gpa that's the only realistic thing to do. And if he doesn't get in to med school {which is common for first time applicants} he'll transfer to Calgary to finish a Bachelors of Science because 1: there are no more classes left for him to take in Medicine Hat after this year, 2: it will up his GPA, and 3: it's a good fall back while he continues applying to med school. So, unless Adam just happens to get into the University of Edmonton, we're moving to Calgary next summer some time. Adam is super excited about Spencer living nearby again {I'm excited too, but Adam's more excited}. I'm happy Lucy will have family she sees regularly, and that we'll have someone to celebrate Thanksgiving{s} with. Plus Spencer can join A&R and us for RPGing. Also, it'll be nice to have one more person I can use for babysitting. Right now we just have one because our other babysitter moved to Lethbridge for university.

14 hours drives {both ways} with Lucy will suck. But I'm excited for Guru's, and Target, and seeing a certain person and her adorable toddler.

I'm also excited to know I only have ~1 year left in Medicine Hat. I pretty much hate it here. It's not a bad town or anything, it's just that I don't fit here. It's the smallest city I've ever lived in and I just can't handle it. I don't mind suburban life. I like it actually. But I'm used to being in one suburb that connects to another and another and then blends right into a city. You leave Medicine Hat and there is NOTHING for 3 hours before you get to another city. I miss the options that a larger city affords. And I'm excited to live in Calgary because I think there will be a lot more for me to get out and do with Lucy {yay for not going stir-crazy}. We can get a yearly pass to the zoo, for example, and a bus pass. Or we can visit the science/children's museum. There's lots to do in Calgary. And we might even live on campus in the family housing {depending on what we find that's convenient off campus}.

So, to sum up, YAY SEWING! YAY CHRISTMAS! YAY SPENCER! YAY LEAVING MEDICINE HAT!

Oh, and NOT YAY my mom is in the hospital again. They're hoping to move her to physical therapy so they don't have to send her to a nursing home. My mom hates having to stay in nursing homes. They're really depressing and there's no-one her age in them. Jay just had surgery so he can't take care of her when she's doing this poorly. Hopefully she'll be home soon. And hopefully we won't have to cancel our plans to go there for Christmas. I hate not being able to afford seeing her more often and when things like this happen it's even worse. I want her to see Lucy and Lucy to see her as often as possible before she's gone. And she could be gone sooner than I like to think about. The bank refused Adam a student line of credit unless he got his parents to co-sign. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. If I ever ask Adam's parents for ANYTHING it will be a sad and desperate day indeed. Ugh. Their visit last weekend was one of the worst week-ends of my life. My stress levels were through the roof. And next time they want to visit they can stay in a hotel. They are not welcome in my home again.

And now I will think about Christmas some more {and try to ignore my worries that I won't be able to afford going to Ohio}. Because Christmas is nice and I lurve it. And pleasant thoughts are so much more...um, pleasant, than non-pleasant thoughts.

Stuff

So, RPG night every Monday. Yippee! We're doing a "get to know GURPs" mini campaign for 4 weeks because R and A haven't played the system before. Last week was fun, I even enjoyed combat {which isn't usually my favorite bit}, despite rolling a critical failure and having my sword break. Oops. Tonight I'm meeting R and we're going to go chat at Starbucks. She's stressed about something and being pregnant is probably not helping whatever it is she's stressed about. It'll be nice to get out the house sans progeny. Toddlers are not my favorites. Babies are so easy...clean diaper, snuggles, boob, and that's about all they need. Toddlers, not so much. Lucy's trying to communicate a lot more but she still can't always let us know what she wants, or doesn't want, and sometimes we can't oblige anyhow {sorry kiddo, you HAVE TO LET US BRUSH YOUR TEETH b/c OMG you might have cavities and I don't know how the dentist is going to be able to do anything when we take you if you won't even let US in your mouth!} *deep breath*

So the WES evaluated Adam's BYU transcripts, and apparently it's easier to earn good grades in the states so his GPA didn't get bumped up any. Which means, even *with* his kick-ass MCAT score he probably won't get into a med school this year. He *might* get into Calgary, but UBC would take an absolute miracle. So that sucks. He might end up getting a second degree {science} before he gets in. It's not the end of the world it's just a burden financially. It's all fine and dandy once he's done with school. We can pay back loans on a doctor's salary, especially since we have no plans to do the "Oh boy, I'm a doctor so I have to have the biggest house ever and the nicest car ever and blah blah blah" routine when he graduates. To us "nicest car" = safe, reliable, good MPG. And we need just enough space in a house for the three of us and a studio space, so 3 bedrooms, maybe 4 for a guest room or something. The more house I have the more house I have to clean, so I'm not interested in having a house big enough for a family of 8 thankyouverymuch. But I'm getting off point. The issue is that in the meantime {as in, between now and being a doctor} things are tight. We're doing OK but the cost of applications is gonna hit hard and the cost of traveling to see family is killer. I hate MS. I hate that my mom can't come see *us.* I realized the other day that I will never get to host Christmas dinner for my parents, ever, and it was pretty much the most depressing moment I've had all year. *sob* I take Christmas seriously, and I take making the house all Christmasy and nice seriously. And I would love, love, love, LOVE to host the holidays. But it's never gonna happen. And now the Shumates are planning a family reunion which means more travel costs. And none of this stuff is taken into consideration on financial aid apps. They don't care how much it costs to apply to med school {couple hundred p/school, plus cost of travel *if* Adam gets any interviews}. They don't care if you have a toddler who doesn't even know who her Grandmother is because the last time she saw her was in March and the next time she sees her {if she's lucky} will be in December. Seriously, once, twice a year max, to have my Mom get to see her granddaughter does not a happy Holly make.

And it matters the most NOW while we're not as financially stable because 8, 9, 10 years from now when Adam is done with school and residency and we can travel on a regular basis my mom could very well be dead, at best probably incapable of having a fun, meaningful relationship with Lucy when we visit.

And I plan on working this fall b/c a: spending all day alone with a toddler is not doing wonders for my sanity, b: I can earn up to $800 a month w/o it messing up Adam's financial aid and $800 a month would make a big difference, c: *my* student loans are not being deferred as I'm not taking classes, and d: Adam gets $300 something a month in student aid for daycare costs so working wouldn't be a complete waste of my time {since it wouldn't all be going back into paying for care} and e: Lucy needs more time with other kids as she gets almost NONE except for the occasional visit with a 3yo and the occasional run-in with strangers in the kid's section at the library. I'd love to get a job at Michael's but transportation is an issue because Adam *has* to have a car for his work. So we'll have to see what we can work out. Something, I hope. I like the idea of working part-time because it's just long enough apart from Lucy that I don't think she'll mind {she always seems to have fun on the rare occasions we leave her with a sitter} but long enough that I'll feel like I'm a part of the real, adult world instead of toddler land. My theory is that if you spend so much time with your child that you don't enjoy it anymore then it's better to spend less time so you're happy and patient and fun when you are with them. I'm sure on some subconscious level Lucy can tell that I get stressed by her. The last thing I want ingrained in her is that Mama doesn't like her being around.

Lucy is obsessed with Pooh. Of all the things she could want to watch over and over Pooh is a good one. But watching it almost every day gets kinda boring. I tried showing her Fantasia again and the new one scared her because the opening song is kinda similar to fireworks. She ran out of the room and kept saying "no! no! no! no!" :( Poor thing. But she loves the dancing mushrooms in the old one.

The end.